latersssss '09.

wow. where the heck did this year go?! a lot of people seemed to love the last year of '0_, while others absolutely hated it. i was on the fence about the past 365 days. it had many downs, and sadly not enough ups to balance it out, but that's ok. it started pretty horribly, with the passing of my grandpa occurring not long before the start of the New Year, along with all the baggage that was attached to it. it pretty much fogged most of the first several months of '09, and affected everyone in my family in the most negative way imaginable. it continued with even more downs, more so related to boy dramz than anything else, but luckily it either got resolved or just simply forgotten about. forgetting is the new forgiving doesn't always work, but talking it out does. also, living in Van made the first half of second year UBER emo..the sudden change in atmosphere, not being used to the distance from everyone and everything, and just school not going the way i wanted it to messed me up hcore.

OF COURSE there were the ups. everything seemed to become fab during the summer, so ill just begin there! some travelling to Alaska and visiting my awesome fam in Calgary, having insurance on the '93 Corolla and taking major advantage of it, not registering in ANY courses and just taking some good 4 months to chillax, quitting my dizzzgusting retail job, spending soooo much time with the best friends, doing whatever we wanted to, eating at as manyy of the places on our "list to eat at in summer of '09," hitting up those random spots we haven't been to since the elementary school days, boy love and unlove, and getting introduced then unintroduced to many ballin cars that the guys seemed to buy yet sold within months of purchase (i miss that RX8 wayyyy too much Shanty! ={ ) after reading Sushi's blog, i didn't get to take advantage of the legalness that people seemed to enjoy, but my 19th made up for it.

i changed a lot this year. ive learned to appreciate the little things my parents do for me, and how all those little things add up to so much; that maybe i'm not meant to be in the major that i currently am in, and that there are so many more options out there for me, that i made myself blind to see; that i have friends that will always be there for me, no matter how stupid i am, how rarely i see them, and that they love me even though they know so much about me (although there aren't tons of them, those few buddies i have mean soo much to me); that boys shouldn't be my focus and that having tons of guy friends and making more of them is actually not a bad thing..man hating phase Sush? ;) ; and that no matter what i do or say or choose, my family will never turn their backs on me. i'm hoping 2010 will be the start of something amazing, a more positive year with farrr more ups than downs. lets stay in the mindset that this coming year will be just that! buhbyes 2009, HELLOOOOOO 2010!!

bumbumbum

finally gots some time for some randommm blogging. so finals are over, did crap in my courses again, but i passed em all, INCLUDING chem 203..which apparently had a major fail rate, like 40 out of the 240 of us who took that ochem course. RIDONCULOUS! this term made me realize how much i'm not into this whole chem/biochem dealio, so this break will give me time to decide/ figure out what exactly i want to do. at least its all done, i shall learn from my mistakes, and move on.

Christmas is donezo as well. this year, it just didn't feel like Christmas at all. maybe its because my finals ended so late in the month, or maybe its because no one really seemed in the holiday mode at all compared to previous years. i don't know. but i had a very good Christmas, ate tons, got to spend time with some great people, including my fam bam.

ALSO, it was nice seeing all the buddies on the 22nd, as well as on the 23rd and yesterday. i haven't had a Tim's date with them for months, so meeting up at that one Tim Hortons twice within days felt so good. (its funny how when we say "lets meet at Tim's," we ALL know which location to go to!!) Avatar was an AMAZING movie. screw those people that didn't like it..you're just weird. although we didn't get to see it in IMAX (damn tickets getting sold out even though we bought tickets HOURS before the movie started) the 3D experience was pretty good. i should have taken some headache meds, because the 3D dealio always gives me one, but it was worth it.

on a random side note, "man hating phase" is still happening. i'm pretty shocked that i'm still going. Sushi should be proud. its nice not looking at guys the same way i did, pretty much just being neutral with any guy i meet. man hating, in my perspective, isn't to hate on guys. its just a way to not think about them constantly and not being attached to one. it feels pretty good. one of the guys thinks it'll cause me to randomly meet someone, i'm in doubts of that. BUT it kinda feels weird being one of the single peeps in the group, because many people in the crew are leaving my "singles club." 3 of them so far. im pretty sure that number will be increasing. meh, its an excuse for me to focus hcore on school, fam and friends. but i'm actually loving my friends meeting people. it gives me the lame warm fuzzies and many "AWWWWW" moments!! well, there's the random vent. not juicy, not special.

its been a while..

lots to blog about, but im wayyy too busy today to do so. soooo ill leave with this Post Secret, because its one a TOTALLY agree with. oh h.s., how i miss you.

p.s. for those of you who have noticed a blog that i made called "my own" (so original eh) dont be offended if you havent been invited to read it, because i havent invited ANYONE to view it, even the -ushi to my frushi. its something for myself, just to post crap thats been going on with me. my own form of venting without caring about what anyone thinks. but yeah, no one has been invited to it, so dont get mad homies!!

wow UBC

i had a very long convo with one of my fellow chem major buddies yesterday, after getting an extreme FREAK OUT MOMENT text from her. after this, i realized that UBC and their automatic grading system can really emotionally eff up people in the middle of their exams. i got a text from her asking if i was still registered in my term 2 organic chem course. i was super confused about this, because obviously i would still be registered in a course if i had already signed up for it in the summer. but THEN i realized what she was implying..that is if i wasn't still registered for it, it would either mean: a) UBC had some errors going on with SSC, or b) i failed the first term organic chem class. i frantically went on to Student Services and found out i was still in the class. i quickly called her asking what the reason behind asking me was, and found out a few of her friends logged on to SSC, just to check their tuition payments for next term, to notice that the tuition payment decreased, their credits for next term went down, and that they weren't registered in CHEM 204. and this just isn't one or two people..the current count is 5 of her friends. WHAT THE EFF! i KNEW the course would be hard, and that if i passed it, it would not be a fab mark at all, but HOW HIGH is the fail rate for this class!? there were only 240 or so of us even registered for the class! that means that the prof was a jerk and didn't scale the exam at all (which all of us figured he would do) and that whoever failed would fail, no matter how hard the course was. i PRAY that i did pass the class, because that would be a horrible feeling. and if i did, i'm so scared to see how many people failed the class when i walk into CHEM 204 on Jan 4th. CHEM 203 (this terms ochem course) was so small that it fit into ONE class, at one time, in one small lecture hall. so it wont be hard to see who all failed and passed the class next term, because we all reached a point where we recognized most of the people in the class. but can you just imagine seeing this change on your timetable..and in the middle of finals?! not only will you be uber depressed, but how the hell can you focus on trying to study. both my friend and i didn't tell anyone else about this, only because it would be horrible if our friends found out they failed CHEM 203, especially because we all still have one more final to go. but geez, UBC, even though we cant view our grades, and you already submitted it, having an automatic system where it just removes the class from your timetable and it shows that your tuition has decreased is the MEANEST thing to do, especially when we are all extremely stressed out by finals (and super pissed that we have to wait till 6pm on the last scheduled final day for freedom of this dizzgusting term). anywho, that's my venting of the day. back to coordination chemistryyyy.

not so fab

i'm having a pretty bummed out day today. i don't know if its the mixture of Alana leaving, which means ill prob be even more lonely, or if its the fact that my effing final is on the 22nd, and i just want to be done with this b.s. right now, or if i miss being at home again, or if i just hate school. after talking to one of my high school teachers on wed, i realized that i prob shouldn't be hating school as much as i do. i shouldn't be bawling all the time because i'm frustrated with what i'm learning, or that i'm not doing as well as i expect i should. she told me that uni is supposed to be the best years of my life, and that yes i will have upsetting times, but i shouldn't be upset as much as i have been this term. i can genuinely say i hate most of my courses, and have yet had a full day of lectures where i loved what i was doing (minus maybe a psyc lecture). so i've reached the point where im reconsidering fully what im doing with my life. this whole chem thing is not my cup of tea, and is something i wouldn't have realized if i had not talked to my former teacher. come on, can any of you see me being some sort of lab technician all my life, which is mainly the type of career you can fall back on with either a chem or biochem degree. i think not. i'm far too social for that sort of career path. i should be loving what i'm learning, not crying about it all the time. the passion just isn't there at all. its shitty that this all came in second year, but better late than never i guess.

4/5

so i think my life is really lame when it comes to exams. almost everyone i know is done theirs (esp if they're from SFU because this morning is the last possible exam scheduled) while i must wait for the friggin 22nd, 3 days before Christmas (actually 2 because the exam doesn't end until 6pm), and its on the last possible day exams could be had. having to wait that long for one causes me to procrastinate even more, because i've reached the point where looking at a textbook and even thinking about studying makes me want to barf. my first midterm was on the 3rd week of school (or even the second..i cant remember) while my LAST midterm was on Nov. 19th!! so i've pretty much been studying since the beginning of the term, and had no breaks at the end like most people, because less than two weeks after my last midterm was the start of finals. GAHHHHHHHH!! i cant wait for the 22nd. time to chill it with the fam and friends and actually have a bit of a social life for a pathetic 13 days. but before that, i HAVE TO focus on this last exam. i'm sure i did pretty crappy on the four i've already had, so i have to ensure i do better on this one. 22nd..you re looking more and more beautiful to me everyyyyyyydayyyyyyy!!

sushi find

forget

there's some things you wish you knew, and others you wish you never ever found out.

prediction

publicity stunt.

douche move

didn't think he could be any worse than he was..guess he confirmed that hes more of a jerkface than anyone ever realized. oh man, any good reputations he had are going OUT the window. i surprisingly feel absolutely horribly for her. although its a "told you so" moment, its not fair to do that to her, especially at this stage. Tiger Woods of Surrey peeps!! (i love the guy friend for making random connections like that!!)

2/5 + Alana

sooo, today i had my ochem final..anal academic rapage. oh well, its done..im just hoping im just not one of the few really stupid people in that class who found it dizzzgustingly hard. sadly, im in an ochem course thats meant for chem and biochem kids = a bunch of hcore keeners. lets just hope im above average at this point in that class. effing ochem. i can't seem to retain THAT many mechanisms. now, its microbiology cramming..that beast will be on the 14th..then i gots psyc two days after..shall cram for that as well.

this post was actually meant for something else. Alana will be leaving on the 20th to go to her next COOP job, which means she wont be here for the second term. im SOO sad. no joke, im going to miss her wayyy too much. i wont have someone i can have a decent conversation with anymore, nor a fab TC buddy, and someone who shares the same love for quality, expensive food like frushi! and i think the new mate is a fobbed out asian..unless Alana and my fb creeping skills were a fail this time. GAHHHHHHH!! im bummed beyond belief. so, must enjoy the last week or so i gots with her. so lame.

fro serious?

800 views? what the eff? i reallyyy want to know who you peeps areeeee. its kinda creepy if you dont leave comments..

oh my gosh

i feel like im going to be murdered by uni. why the eff am i paying thousands of dollars to be stressed out?! this better pay off in the end. I HATE FINALS!

p.s. i think the people creeping this blog should start leaving comments. an increase of 30 views in one week?! who are youuuu??

post secret

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

the special two

forgot how much i love her.

the hills finds

3 weeks of hell

Decemeber 9: MATH 200, 12pm - 2:30pm
Decemeber 11: CHEM 203, 12pm - 2:30pm
Decemeber 14: BIOL 200, 8:30am - 11am
December 16: PSYC 100, 8:30am - 10am
December 22: CHEM 202, 3:30pm - 6pm

then FREEEEDDDDDDDOMMMMMMM..until January 4th.

stupid boys

note to all the guys out there: if you invite a girl to a "party" and you reallyy want to repel her from you, make you sure are both drunk and high when she arrives. not only will she realize that you can act like a huge fool, but the whole "smoking weed in your unit" deal is just a turn off in itself. spending loadsss of money of drugs and alcohol when youre in uni is just weird..dont guys get over that stage after high school? OH, and next time invite slightly classier ladies to a get together when you have your entourage of brown buddies with you. it makes the situation seem a little less shady. i'm soooo glad i live less then 10 steps away from his place. oh gosh, i would have been in such an awkward situation last night!

p.s. second hand smoke does make you feel loopy. i had the side effects from that this morning. grosssss.

explanation: went to a uni guy friends party last night just to see what was going on, thinking there would just be a bunch of drunk people around to get a laugh at. nopes, it was five brown guys (which i'm pretty good at dealing with..having the majority of my best friends as guys allows me to quickly go into "one of the guys" mode, rather than "skanky, i want some loving" girl mode) and two white chicks (and those were the ONLY females there..yes, white chicks with five brown guys. it was just weird. total racist remark, but come on, you know those chicks are probably there for dizzgusting reasons.) anywho, i thought i would hang out for a bit, just to get a laugh at how drunk they were, until they started smoking their illegal crap, which made me feel sick because i have never smoked, and never will, and just the smell of that crap makes me nauseous. so i left. by the sounds of this "party" two nights ago, i was sorta stoked to go, but seeing my friend totally done beyond belief made me have a totally different perspective on him..and a not so super one to say the least. meh, i still got some lawls from last night. its funny how focused people get on little things when they're in that state, and some of the things that come out of their mouths. always gives us sober people a good laugh before going to bedddd!!

[EDIT]: got a call from the guy buddy this morning. dumbass got caught for smoking, because people could see smoke being blown out of his unit window! LAWLERS to the max. oh man, why are some people sooooo bloody dumb!! he's got a bad rep with the RA's now!!

my milk toof

another uber cute one!! i laughed at this photo, but thought the rest of the post was just uber cutess!! heres the link to the rest!

fml

so i think i should stop talking to people regarding final exams and the class averages for classes. it just seems to bring me down even more. apparently my ochem class average in previous years was 55%, due to the prof, and there was no scaling after..again this is hearsay which i PRAY is not true. i also should stop talking to people about finals who's goal is to just pass the course, because i think i'm slowly lowering my standards like them..or should they bring up my morale by making me realize that i have higher expectations for myself than they do? i don't know. i hate school beyond belief. why am i here?!

boy hater or boy hunter?

its a toughy.

??

i find it weird that i check last week to see how many profile views i had and it was at 710, and today i check and its at 740. what the frig?

three simple words

today was a gross day for public transit, but i think i was meant to get late for volunteering today, and step on board of a specific 99 B line. i noticed a lady walk on at Alison Road, and that she wasn't looking too super. as i was enjoying my yummy, and free, McDo coffee, i hear someone whimpering on the other side of the bus, and it was the same lady who walked on who wasn't look like she was having a fab day. being a chick who looks like a 15 year old, i thought it would be weird if i walked up to a lady who looked like she was in her 30's to ask if she was alright. 10 minutes later, i realize she's still crying and that, although everyone around her could see she was in distress, refused to even bother interrupting their super important ipod listening or newspaper reading. kind of hesitant, because i had no clue what her reaction would be, i walk up to her when the bus stopped at Granville to ask "Are you alright." she grabbed my hand and started crying more. then, because i'm pathetic, i start tearing a bit, because that's what i do in situations like this! LOL! after a minute or so, i gave her a hug (yes i hug complete strangers.. im a risk taker like that =P) and just rubbed her knee, hoping it would help, and luckily it did. close to where i was about to get off, i got the most sincere and genuine thank you i have ever gotten from a person. unlike most people, i thought of how i would feel if i was in her situation. if someone cries on public transit, one of the most public places to cry, you know something is really wrong. although i still have no clue what caused her to be so sad, i guess having a positive energy by her side, although it being from me (a complete stranger) is what made all the difference. sooo, next time you see someone who doesn't look like they're feeling too hot, put yourself in their shoes, and take the time just to ask "Are you alright?" it will probably mean more than you can ever imagine to them, and you'll get the warm tinglies inside after as well!! =D

OMG.. THEY'RE BACK!!

i'm super stoked! more new vids by Rin on the Rox!! WOOHOOOOOO!

New History

Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.

call it off

i still love this song. kinda emo, but still absolutely love it. the type of song just to listen to, to focus with, or just to spend the time to think about stuffss.

EDIT

the last post sounded wayy too emo and bitter. it wasnt supposed to come out that horribly!

karma

lying is stealing the truth from someone. i can't stand liars. if i catch someone lying to me once, i can forgive them. but doing it multiple times to my face? i refuse to take it.

another first

so as of now, i'm legallll. so i celebrated last night with the besties, the UBC buddies and a couple cousins. i must admit, it was some good times. although Steamworks takes wayyyy too long so serve their guests, Gastown can be a bit shady at night, and a certain boy kinda bummed my mood for part of the outing, it was still a fab night. Modern is surprisingly small, but luckily not full of a bunch of old creepers! We also all realized that we were probably the youngest ones there! although the night was ended due to a fight (poor unconscious guy who not only got knocked out, but also had his head stepped on) it still had its ups. i gotta thank all the bests for coming out all the way to Van, and the cousins for driving so late at night for me. damn, i so miss everyone. i realized that last night after they left; i had that same feeling i get of sadness when my parents drop me off every weekend. but i'm so glad that they proved they sincerely care about me, by still keeping in touch as though i see them everyday. i still don't know how i would be sane without the guys and the lady bestie. hope everyone had a good time like me! =D

3:25pm

so apparently i'm legal now!!

last day..

of being "illegal." i wish i could enjoy it more rather than hcore studying for math and chem (which i won't get the time to really do after tonight!!) this LG will become a slightly older LG, who can do moreeee things because i will have a piece of ID confirming that i'm older than 14!! WOOTWOOOOOOOT!! time to have some funnnnnn!! ;)

frustration

well, for the past couple weeks, the whole crying dealio was obsolete. i don't know why, maybe its because i was getting used to being away from my normal settings, and because the first wave of midterms were over. but today the crying has come back. i'm super frustrated by school lately, because it seems as though i put so many hours into studying for exams, yet i still get a shitty mark. i almost reached the point last week where i wanted to say "fuck uni, i'm done." its really annoying when i study hard and do badly. i need to find out what i'm doing wrong with my study habits. maybe i'm not focused enough and have other things filling my mind. i have a feeling that's one of the reasons for my crap marks. i need to find a way to stay focused, to forget about all the negativity going on, and just to think positive. i need something just to bring some permanent positivity in my life, to maintain a optimistic mindset. this crying b.s. needs to stop again, that's for sure, because it just messes me up even more. eff. why can't life be as easy as it was two years ago?

giving peace a chance

I survived a war did you know that? I survived a war where they put bodies in to mass graves where there was once a playground. I survived the death of my family, my parents, my brothers and sisters. Then I survived the death of my wife and child when they starved to death in a refugee camp. I survived the loss of my country, of hearing my mother tongue spoken, of knowing what it feels like to have a place to call home. I survived. And I will survive the loss of my legs. If I have to, I’ll survive it. Ok? But Derek, there is always a way when things look like there’s no way. There’s a way to do the impossible, to survive the in survivable. There’s always a way. And you, you and I have this in common. We’re inspired. In the face of the impossible, we’re inspired. So if I can offer one piece of advice to the world’s foremost neuro surgeon. Today if you become frightened instead become inspired.

--Isaac (Grey's Anatomy)

boys and skanks

ok, so seriously, whats with guys loving the skanks? i don't really get it. most of the time, these dizzgustingly skanky girls have little to no common sense or intelligence, drink away their time, and party like there's no tomorrow. many don't go to school, and have terrible jobs, which most of them will probably continue having as their lives go on. and whats even more odd is that the "nice guys" tend to be the idiotic ones who fall for them. like, whats so great about these girls? the thrills you get from looking at them..because most guys aren't going to get in bed with them, because they select the equally skanky guys to hook up with. it always makes me wonder. being a nice girl, i fall for nice guys. but it seems like the nice guys need a slap on the face, some sort of "wake up and look around" dealio, getting their minds out of the gutter, and realize that these skanky chicks have nothing going for them. i reallyyy don't get it!! again, its the whole "boys are stupid" situation. they reallyyyy are!!

Halloween

soooo, being illegal sucks ass on Halloween, especially when you miss it by 11 days. fml, i think so. so i tried finding out what was happening at the last minute (as i always seem to do) and got invited to 3 things. the guys went to one party (which was supposed to be epic, but actually wasn't. woot to Scott for texting me before, informing me that it was shitty), Geoff asked me to go to Jordan's for Halloween (that would've been hilarious to witness!!), and a guy from h.s. asked me to come to his place just to chill. surprisingly enough, i went to the latter's place. i thought it would be my best bet of going ANYWHERE, because it was the most controlled, and my parents would allow me to go because they know him, and know that it would probably be one of the safer bets. (Geoff's plans would've been fun, but because they went to a pub after, that would've been a fail because i wouldnt be allowed in!!). it was actually pretty G rated, which was a shocker because this guy is quite the man whore. it was nice having conversations with brown guys you avoided in high school, but who have changed dramatically in a little more than a year. it was also good reminiscing with an old elementary school buddy, who's house i used to go to all the time when i was in kindergarten because his mum baby sat me!! another LAWL is watching drunk guys play pool..their perception is sooooo off!! oh, and whats with guys and their horniess when intoxicated?! i reminded some of the guys this morning who were there who all they hit on, and i think they were pretty shocked that they had no standards with a little booze in their system. all in all, it was quite a different Halloween, and at a place i never expected of even considering to go to. but as long i came home in one piece, wasn't violated in any way, and had some lawls to remember, i think it was a somewhat success.

facebook findings

so lately i've been really curious to see how people i knew back in the beginning of high school, or even elementary school, look like. i've done a bit of creeping (and of course adding..i dont just creep people, i do add them!!) to see how people have changed, where they are now, etc. its funny finding the random stupid guys you used to crush back in the day, and seeing what they look like now. i added 2 of them, 1 asian guy and a brown guy. its AMAZING how different they look now..and how theyve changed in the not so super way physically!! i guess they had theyre peak back in the beginning of high school eh..crappy for them!! but its also weird seeing how so many of people just havent bothered with the whole post secondary dealio, and yet still are into the whole "party every night" thing. i wonder how long partying all the time and keeping the not so great job will last them. i don't. its just something i was thinking about. but i still lawl at the fact that i liked these guys at one point, and was so torn over the fact they probably wouldn't be interested!! BAHAHAHAHAHA! so lame, soooo lame!! (although i still do that sometimes, its not anything close to as drastic as how horrible i felt back then!!)

i attract creepers.

pretty self explanatory. one this summer, ewwwwsssss. one just a few weeks ago, who i met for a week at a leadership conference in Ottawa and NEVER talked to, lives in Newfoundland, and said if i make it out there anytime, he'll "make it worth my while." ewwwwwwwwww X 1098301923890823912038100381093. and i another just yesterday. i lost my keys for my unit, and was in freak out mode because replacing it costs $102, due to having to replace alllll locks in the unit. so i asked everyone in the room i was studying in (i was in a library) if they had seen the keys. no one had. i asked this one guy, and he saw me put them on the table when i came in, but didnt see what happened after. note: this is 15 minutes before my 23% worth midterm for chem, so being in freak out mode right before an exam and thinking about that rather than the millions of ligands and point groups i had to memorize was NOT a good thing. i give this guy my number, and tell him to call me if he sees anything. he was SUPER nice, because he really went out of his way to help me. i go back to the library today and someone turned it in!! i text this guy the SUPA news. his reponse: Thats too bad. I was hoping I'd see you again. seriously?! really? after this news, you respond in a creepy way like that..lames. then i thought about the fact that maybe he schemed this just so that he'd get my number! can you just imagine if that WAS his plan. WTF?! anyways, bottom line, i attract creepers, and, ironically, all of whom arent bad looking!! WEIRD!! frushi is awesome with boys..fro gets creepers, sushi gets fobbed out geeks who are clingy. fantastic combo, no? ;P

over it?

maybe. i guess i can't care about someone who doesn't seem to show the same sort of feelings back. i'm dumb. i waited too long, and i should've gotten over him right away. but i guess it's time to stop, move on, and just think of him the way he most probably thinks of me, as just a friend. boys come and go, most turn into friends, and some become distant and not as close as they once were. time to stop putting so much energy into him, time to focus on more important things, and other people. disappointing? yes. expected? in a sense. but can't do anythings about its. unless he's too busy with other things, or other people. i don't know. i guess i'll only know if things change, which, as if now, haven't. which brings me back to the statement most girls (esp the bestie and myself) think about boys..THEY'RE STUPIDDDDD!! ;)

rin on the rox = no more. ='(

so i was noticing that rin on the rox had stopped making vids, and was super disappointed after like a month of MIA-ness. then today i checked back on their youtube site, and noticed that Erin had made a cover with just herself. i checked it out and realized that she had her own site, with her own vids. again..confused!! i creeped the site, and found out that rin on the rox are no longer pursuing their music career, are going back to school, and Roxanne is pretty much not doing the music thing at all now. well, at least Erin is still making doing some covers. gosh, their voices together are amazing. its a shame that they aren't singing together anymore.

so here's site http://www.youtube.com/user/erinpaulaa. to tell you the truth, its not as super as the rin on the rox one..maybe its because its lacking the whole intro they used to have "love it, hate it, whatever, just enjoy it!!" *tear* such a disappointment.

lonely

sooo, after living away from home for over a month now, i have realized that i hate being alone. i have an ochem midterm tomorrow, so i thought it would be a good idea to stay at my place until Saturday night, and come back Sunday morning. in a way it was a good idea, because i wouldn't get distracted from the chaos at home (its a good chaos, not a bad one!), but i noticed that i felt so lonely. i couldn't concentrate because i needed someone to randomly talk to every hour or so, just to "de-stress" and get my mind off of chemistry. yesterday was pretty bad, mainly because no one was home at all, so i was stuck in an empty unit trying to study. Alana is my go to girl just to vent, and to talk to, to make me feel a bit better. talking to people online, ie on msn, just doesn't feel the same as speaking to someone face to face. the crying sessions continue; they really just come out of no where. the worst is when the parents drop me back after the weekend is over, and watching them drive away. its the worst feeling. even though i get to see them every weekend, i guess i'm just so family oriented that its hard being away from them, even if it is only for 5 days. (note the water works AGAIN..fml.) its a stupid situation, and its something that i need to get control over. if i was living with a really good friend, i think it wouldn't be as bad, because, in sense, it would be like having a piece of home with me most of the time. i dont know. it's just a pretty effed up emotional deal that i still haven't gotten over. well, back to ochem..joy.

iClean

damn! after reading my last post, that was some fucked up emotional times! fo serious though, i reached a point where i just felt like giving up, and saying eff school, ima be uneducated and work at CT all my life (well, not as drastic, but something close to that!! =P) i'm still in the same boat with the whole not sure what i'm doing with my life, but ill prob stick to science, only because i don't mind it.

anywho, its midterm time, clearly, and i have another "i noticed" bit. last year around finals time, i drank a lot of water. i still do, but not as much as i did last year. BUT i've noticed that i clean a lot. since i'm not at home with a TV accessible 24/7, i'm desperate to find something to occupy my boredom, when my mind is not into the studying dealio. so i find something to clean. i clean my room, find things that bug my on my desk that needs to be organized, or actually go into the unit and do cleaning. it wastes a good 30minutes sometimes which isn't a good thing for me (it is for the unit though!!), but it just makes me feel as though i accomplished something useful with my time (but obviously not something that's benefiting ME academically!!). well, that was my random..now back to math, the only class i genuinely hate.

the worst of me taking over

NOTE: you are about to read an emo note..stop now if you would rather not bring yourself down from my lameness.

this weekend was emotionally effd up. i loved the first half of it, but it progressively got worse and worse. friday was awesome, got to catch up with the MIA bestie, and spend a few bucks on something other than textbooks, tuition and rent. i love Forever 21..but not the massive lineups and those skanky, snobish chicks that want to shop there!! saturday was also great, filled with spending time with tons of family in celebration of Eid (although it was like 3 weeks ago!) buttt all of this time spent doing stuff meant time away from studying, which is stressing me out hcore at this point because midterms are coming up and i touched NOTHING this weekend. i meant to do sooo much catching up, but due to fatigue from the 3am bedtime on saturday (actually it was technically sunday morning) and thinking wayy too much about the fact that i literally have no clue what to do with my life just fucked me up. as usual, school and planning for my future has screwed me over again (note the water works occuring right now..which seems to be a trend for the past couple days literally every few hours..or when i start thinking!) i think the whole "career planning" dealio really messes me up because there's wayy too much pressure on me. my dad is expecting a lot from me, and really wants me to be a success story, and seems to really want me to be a future dentist. being one of the few kids in my family going to university (we're a very small minority), the whole fam expects a lot as well, and i absolutely hate it. i dont even know if i want to be in science, i dont know what major i want, i just dont know anymore. im not sure this is initated by being super stressed from school, and hating the fact that university is nothing like high school, where i could do really well, and put little to no effort into it. and sometimes it seems the infinite number of hours i put into studying is just not worth it, after recieving shitty marks on exams. im in second year, and anyone who i talk to who's part of the fam is shocked when they here that i really dont even know what im doing in uni, which makes me feel even worse. im glad my mum understands where im coming from, which brings a bit of positivity to my life. but i really dont know. its a horrible thought to have in my head, especially during this time of year, when midterms are coming. fuck. i need to figure shit out.

Ike's

sooooo, i've been at UBC for over a year, and still haven't experienced Ike's Cafe. and, because i seem to be a little less stressed out right now (although i really should be in the freak out stage at this point) and i never experience 99 Chairs before it closed down this summer, i decided to spend a bit of time hitting it up and ordering something. i've heard mixed reviews about the place, but more so bad ones from people who aren't foodies at all, and super ones from the food lovers i know. so i spent the $3.41 and ordered a Chai Latte. i'm not sure if it's because i've been deprived of my super brown tea for the past few weeks, but it was soooooo good!! in Hindi, we call it Masala Chai. it's not the typical flavour you get at Starbucks, where its basically like slightly spiced hot milk..this stuff is like the Chai my mum makes when she really needs to get warmed up. i'm not the brownest of people, but when it comes to my food, it HAS to be done a certain way! my fav Chai is the type that even when its cool, it still warms your mouth. i love the super peppery tea that has tons of cardamom and those random spices that i can only say in Hindi because i have no clue what the English names for them are!! but it really did the trick. not as good as the stuff back home, but still more than sufficient for my needs!! nomnomnom!! at this point, i give Ike's a thumbs up (unless its just the barista who's super awesome at her job!!), especially for a small UBC run cafe!!

p.s. http://mymilktoof.blogspot.com/2009/10/little-chefs.html

check it out if you need some MAJOR cuteness in your life. it totally made me want to hit up the kitchen and make a mean batch of double chocolate chip cookies!!!

confronting a man whore

sly words can't fool me no more.

the first of October

9pm arrival turned into 10pm arrival, after quiet hours, 4 boys then the best lady, checking out the AWESOME and new ballin' car, bad directions resulting in her getting lost, uber fab flailing and jumping hello, awkward greeting to the "late night study schedule boys," chillin' it in the super small living room, brotherly "love," AWESOME long ass giggles and major LMFAO's, intense conversations, thinking about the past, how everything's changed, and how we never expected to be where we are now, scurrrrryyyyyy hail, more laughs and stupid moments, "Dad's" Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies, remincising about the random (and somewhat dramz filled) events summer '09 brought, people who have come and gone, and who we refuse to ever allow back, realization that its after 12:30 and everyone has classes tomorrow (some much earlier than others), the somewhat sad goodbye and loving hugs only the besties can give, 10 more minutes of conversing because i dont want them to leave, everyone hoping that the next get together wont be months from now, the final goodbye.

those are the few i actually love, because without em, my life wouldn't be complete.

shoulda

dont regret one at all, but should've taken that chance on the other. maybe it was supposed to work out that way. or maybe its an experience to learn from in the future. (im betting on the latter).

quickie ;)

ahahha!! its not what you think! just wanted to do a quick update/ vent sess. in between my hcore math catching up during my 4.5 hours break! so i feel super overwhelmed right now. i feel uber behind in some courses, and somewhat behind in others. my goal this year is to keep up with the suggested problems and readings right after i have a class, but its hard to do when you really have no motivation into studying, have major ADD and constantly want to blog, tweet, facebook or watch random shows online from a hooked up link from the bestie. suddenly, i also feel really busy with volunteer stuff. i only have 2 small things going on that take 1.5 and 2 hours of my time per week BUT i have to count in the travel time to get there which adds a lot (but also gives me an excuse to study on the bus rides.) the thing is that now im thinking of getting more involved in- school, especially since a few 5th years i know have been asking me to get involved in higher positions in different committees. its hard saying no to opportunities, especially because i know they will be sooo much fun and probably pretty benefitial (reminds of being an SC nerd in hs), but then i still have to count for study time, time going home and spending with the fam, or those random few hours i get to spend with the buddies if they have time. if only there were more hours in a day, or even more days in a weekend!! lets see what the next few weeks bring, and how anti social they may or may not make me!!

get over it already

so much easier said than done.

-->seems as though im just waiting for the worst situation, to open my eyes to the fact that nothing is there.

math + hard = stress = fml

studying for at least four days for a math midterm, thinking i was uber prepped, go in and i have NO clue whats going on. that was my day yesterday. totally emofied me to the point i couldnt concentrate! and how was i rewarded? by having to start and finish my chem lab prep, which took 4 hours! OUCH! yes, it was painful. i want this academic year to get better! GIVE ME POSITIVE ENERGY PEEPS..or just pray for me if you're into that!!
upside, i get to go home tonight. downside, so much studying and probably won't be able to do much of it because of post Eid stuff, which will happen ever weekend for a minimum of a month! why are the Fijian Muslims crazy like that?!


p.s. hope to see everyone (boys et sush) next week.. if Pat is successful with planning and gathering everyone (or almost everyone) together on one night next week. *crosses fingers* i miss those mofos wayy too much!! why couldn't summer '09 last forever?!

fish is gross

i love fish but i HATE the smell. fish isn't supposed to smell fishy. every foodie KNOWS that it should smell like the sea. but my place smells like that really gross, fishy smell from some sort of sea animal that's been dead for a few days (this is quoted from one of the roomies!! LAWL!!). i tried creeping the fridge to see what the culprit of the smell was, and found nothing, except for some imitation crab meat, which i THINK one of the unit mates has actually been heating up and cooking every night. i didn't know imitation crab meat was allowed to be cooked..!! but then again, its in random wannabe crab bisques and what not. anyways, the smell had disappeared yesterday but came back last night after someone did some hcore asian cooking, with that same fishy smell. i attempt to get rid of it, by opening all the windows and turning the fan on full blast, but someone ends up turning it off within 5 minutes, and at least a few wasps end up inhabiting our living room (and trying to get rid of them involves asking some random guy from 214, or Edric, to kill it!!). no win situation? i think so. i'm embarrassed to have people over, because it smells so bad! =( example being yesterday when my cousin and her boy came by, and they refused to come out of my room because the smell was so overpowering. air freshener investments in the future, most probably. i wish we could light candles here. not only are they cheaper, but they look pretty and i LOVE the smell of a candle that's just been blown out!! well, venting done. that was random!!

p.s. can someone kill me? 5 courses, a math midterm tomorrow, along with ochem and coordination chem on the urge of raping me soon. eff em elllllllll.

p.p.s. for anyone who tried commenting on my posts and it was a fail (*cough* Rachael *cough*), i didn't change the restrictions on comment posts after i made the blog! im smart..!! anywhos, comment away Sush!! ;)

HP is ruining my life!

i now have to use the uber old desktop because my HP laptop is having issues AGAIN. its being sent back, although they JUST replaced a few things three weeks ago. so, for anyone who tries messaging me on facebook, because this desktop is super old, i really can't reply to them for some reason (probably because it needs a bunch of updates, which i don't have the time or the patience to download). as for now, this honking computer is used for school more than anything, takes up almost all the space on my desk, and is pretty loud. i'm hoping i get my laptop back soon, especially because i need it for some lectures where the prof talks super fast and doesn't post his power points online!! to communicate with the fro, 1)call me, 2)text me, 3)msn me. my msn probably looks a bit weird, but it's because (again) im using the older version of it, the one people used back in like grade 8!! but hey, story of my life right now. how super..


(p.s. Eid was so tiring yesterday. had to wake up uber early to help my mum/get dressed, was out alllll day going to fam bam's homes for food, and now have TONS of catching up to do. oh well, at least i got some fam time AND random monies from people! woot!)


[EDIT: FB messages are FINALLY working!! so you can use that form of communication as well!! =D]

EID MUBARAK

time for all those crazy Muslims (including my dad) to get fat after a month of fasting!!

EID MUBARAK PEEPS!

venting to no one post?

wells, i have a bunch of randoms on my mind, so i decided to have a venting session via blog. everyone who knows me knows of the huge, black bag/ sac thing i carry around EVERYWHERE, yes? well today i decided to FINALLY give it a good washing. ive had it over a year, maybe more, i cant remember, yet to this day (and it probably sounds extremely dizzgusting) ive never washed it. i decided to do so right now, only because my mum keeps harping about it, and ive been dropping lots of random crap on it lately, that it DESERVED to be washed. i was uber scurred, only because i did NOT want to know what the colour of the water that washed it would be. yes, it was a gross, dark grey-ish colour, and yes after rinsing it a second time, it was still a grey colour. soooooo gross. i hoped that it was from the original colour of the bag, and not the filth on it..but i doubt that!!

what else was there..oh im already uber behind in my class readings and problem sets. taking 5 courses each term, and all of them being worth at least 3 credits each, was dumb on my part. oh well, gotta be anti social, and just STUDY like a mofo.

Eid is apparently coming up (i didnt realize that a month has gone by so damn quickly!!), and im sorta excited, i think. i dont know. it takes away from my study time (eff, im so turning into the typical UBC nerd), and ill probably have to visit a bunch of people i only really see once a year due to Eid, but i guess getting tons of yummy free food, and the random cash from those few people who still think im 13, is pretty awesome!

today was a gross day though. 2 classes, and 2 three hour labs (the story of my life every other friday..yay..). luckily it only involved the 2 one hour lectures, and each lab only being about an hour to an hour and a half long, because it was orientation/check in week. the fail of the day was working my schedule around a meeting with the biochemistry advisor, running around like a mofo an hour before it, eating lunch and buying a poster from the SUB (which i had allll week to do, yet i left it to the VERY last minute, on the last day of the sale, and at the last moment i could go to it because it closed at 5pm, and my lab was supposed end at 5.) so, 5 minutes before the appointment, im still in line buying a poster, RUN to the Copp Building right after, and (being 5 minutes late and super flustered because i couldn't find the building OR the office) get to his door, to see a sign saying he had left. fml hcore. having only 45 minutes left before my next class, which is not enough time to go back to my place and back to Chem on time, i wondered around aimlessly, which AGAIN i couldve used for studying. such a fail! why must advisors do such mean things?!

well, that was a waste of 20 minutes of math time. oh well, a bit of venting to a few of creepers reading this always feels good!! ;)

AHHHH!

why the fuck did i choose being in a chemistry major? ima get raped or killed this year, if not this term. fml? i think so.

rant I

so, its been a week of living on campus, and its not as bad as it was the first day or two. i've somewhat gotten used to the environment, but obviously miss home all the time. the crying has cut down to once a day, sometimes just getting slightly tear-y eyed when talking to the fam bam, but that's all. now why did i decide to name this rant I? because i am UBER annoyed lately by some of the unit mates (2 out of the 3 of them!). my mum is an HCORE neat freak (for everyone who knows her, they understand where i'm coming from) and i never realized i had those characteristics as well until i moved in. the unit is becoming a disaster each day. the floor seems to get dirtier, the washroom seems to be full of more and more hair, the hallway now has a HUGE spillage of uncooked rice, and the culprite doesn't seem to want ot take the initative to clean it, the kitchen floor is dizzgusting (when you can feel stuff under your feet AND you're wearing socks, i feel extremely gross.), un-washed pots are sitting on the now dirty stove thats full of cooked food that has now dried on the stove top, and the counters seem to get filthy as soon as i clean them (pet peeve, dirty counter space, because all food prep is done on it.), and i don't know what to do. today i decided to take the inititive and wrote a note for everyone to read, basically saying we ALL need to meet up tonight to: 1) figure out a cleaning schedule (which the RA for our floor told everyone in floor 2 to do) and 2) to get some cleaning DONE! as of now, everyone is down minus the new unit mate, but i'm hoping she comes mainly because since she's moved in, the unit has become disgusting. coincidence? not sure right now. gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, why did my mum raise me this way?! i hate filth!

..

you know you live on res when..

you go to on campus events JUST to take advantage of the free, HEALTHY food!! im guilty of that!! went to tooo many events this week, just because I'm too lazy to go to the Save-on or Safeway to pick up some fruits and veggies!! =$

lets start over

soooo, yeah, i started a new one. i guess i wanted a brand new blog, for a brand new school year, mainly because my life now will probably be quite different compared to last year. i'm officially settled into my new pad! my room is uber small and the unit is very boring and dreery. i want to add some liveliness to it, put up some posters and what not, but i've got to find the time to go out and buy stuff! the roomies have changed a LOT since i first met them. i have a Japanese exchange student from Rits, and a coop student from Penticton (the last chick is still MIA!). i like the Japanese student, because shes uber cute, asian, and nice! but both have opened up quite a bit since the first move in day. the fro has opened up some more tres shy peeps, especially the student from Penticton! she herself admitted to being very anti social, but after one night with the crazy UBC buddies in 214, along with our hilarious wannabe karaoke night using you- tube, she's opened up a lots! the classes seem as though they will rape me within the next couple weeks. why i chose to take 33 credits in one year, i do not freakin know! i've been having random crying sessions a lot lately, at least one a day. its so stupid, because it literally comes out of no where. the first day of move in was HORRIBLE! sitting in my empty unit, because no had moved it. i had no laptop to occupy my mind, all the UBC buddies were in New West (where i would've been, but i was waiting for my parents to drop off last minute things), and no one was texting my back! =( so what did i do? cry!! LOL!! the loneliness factor kicked in, because no one was around! i was soooo happy to see the fam bam when they arrived. they were very confused to see a half bawling, half laughing daughter running and hugging them!! other factors that cause the crying: school (just thinking about the hell of what this year will be), life decisions (WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!? should i even be in chemistry? whats my future career? all initated by the parents, along with other family members asking what career path i've decided on, because i go to UBC and they think uni kids know EXACTLY what they're doing in the future!), and i guess just being away from home in general, and the life style change here. it feels weird talking to my parents on the phone and being updated on the many things happening there, that i didn't even know were going on. (brother going to high school, how everyones doing, etc, etc.) and this is only the first WEEK of living here!! that's the funny part! also, not having a TV in my room is weird. i never was into watching TV a lot, but not having easy access to one is something to get used to! im hoping that it'll all work out, i'll get adjusted sooner than later, and that student advisors can guide me in a sense with my "life decisions." so much to think about, and i dislike it. just gots to breathe, focus, and limit the crying to twice a week!! =P new blog..lets hope its not as emo as the previous!!