NOTE: you are about to read an emo note..stop now if you would rather not bring yourself down from my lameness.
this weekend was emotionally effd up. i loved the first half of it, but it progressively got worse and worse. friday was awesome, got to catch up with the MIA bestie, and spend a few bucks on something other than textbooks, tuition and rent. i love Forever 21..but not the massive lineups and those skanky, snobish chicks that want to shop there!! saturday was also great, filled with spending time with tons of family in celebration of Eid (although it was like 3 weeks ago!) buttt all of this time spent doing stuff meant time away from studying, which is stressing me out hcore at this point because midterms are coming up and i touched NOTHING this weekend. i meant to do sooo much catching up, but due to fatigue from the 3am bedtime on saturday (actually it was technically sunday morning) and thinking wayy too much about the fact that i literally have no clue what to do with my life just fucked me up. as usual, school and planning for my future has screwed me over again (note the water works occuring right now..which seems to be a trend for the past couple days literally every few hours..or when i start thinking!) i think the whole "career planning" dealio really messes me up because there's wayy too much pressure on me. my dad is expecting a lot from me, and really wants me to be a success story, and seems to really want me to be a future dentist. being one of the few kids in my family going to university (we're a very small minority), the whole fam expects a lot as well, and i absolutely hate it. i dont even know if i want to be in science, i dont know what major i want, i just dont know anymore. im not sure this is initated by being super stressed from school, and hating the fact that university is nothing like high school, where i could do really well, and put little to no effort into it. and sometimes it seems the infinite number of hours i put into studying is just not worth it, after recieving shitty marks on exams. im in second year, and anyone who i talk to who's part of the fam is shocked when they here that i really dont even know what im doing in uni, which makes me feel even worse. im glad my mum understands where im coming from, which brings a bit of positivity to my life. but i really dont know. its a horrible thought to have in my head, especially during this time of year, when midterms are coming. fuck. i need to figure shit out.
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