reflections, rambles, & rants.

one forty plus

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I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self. We would have sat down at a coffee shop so that I could explain life to young me in terms that only we would understand. It would have saved me a lot of hardship.

You can listen to all the sage wisdom you want, but things only make sense when you can explain them to yourself in your own words. For instance, I’ve been told for three years that Breaking Bad is the best show on television, but only after I watched it was I able to tell myself exactly why everyone was right. Other truths I know now that I can explain them: that I’m not missing any crucial information and that poker really isn’t all that fun; that heartbreaks do fade but they take about a year longer than you expect and by the time they do you really don’t care about it enough to notice; and above all else, life is simpler than you think.

I used to think that life was an intricate series of levers and pulleys, buttons and switches, Mexican standoffs and hostage negotiations. As I get older I realize that life is more Netherlands minimalist than Jackson Pollock. The problems don’t get fewer, and in fact they grow in number, but the way I index them in the database is different. More problems get filed under fewer category headers.

Things are getting simpler, and it’s making life better. Here’s the cheat sheet:

People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear. We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.

See? It’s simple. :)

pondering..

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must not fall into the cycle again of thinking i've found someone awesome, but realizing it'll just be one of those 'just friend' thangs. my tom-boy personality, and disfunctional habits tend to produce that. gotta keep myself busy, to ensure boys aren't part of the picture right now, since they hold me down wayyyy too much. =P see, telling my mum i won't ever get married is a HUGE likeliness!! so is the child birth thing..but thats for a different post! ;)

Mehndi lovin'

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and another post, since im sure that ill be MIA for a few days (at minimum). so yesterday was day 1 of wedding madness in the Hussain family. it was the "Ladies Night," which is not a traditional thing whatsoever..more of an excuse for the women in the family to get together, gossip, and dance the night away, which is acceptable if men arent around..well thats what some of the Conservative Muslims in my family seem to believe!! it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, got to catch up with the gazillion family members that have come into town for the wedding, along with trying to be taught how to dance like a brown person..something i hcore fail at!! (i still get questions about what my nationality is..happened today in fact. i still dont understand why people think im either half, or full black..) anywho, here's a G pic of me showing off the Mehndi i got done last night..i think when henna is offered, especially by a pro, the brown girl in me gets crazy excited!! last night, when i picked off the bits of henna that were left, it was super light, and i thought the henna used was just cheap. but after waking up this morning, the mofo darkened MAJORLY!! this cheap webcam pic doesnt do it proper justice!! more updates on the wedding coming shortly!!

HP Lovaaaaa

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im a Harry Potter nerd..wasnt the hard core ones that waited in line for the books, but did buy them the day it came out, read them in about a week, and looked forward to the next in the series. so OBVS im stoked on life for the first part of the last HP movie (Deathly Hallows). two parts = double the epicness. CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

..

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Look man, I’m telling you right off the bat, I’m high-maintenance, so…I’m not gonna tip-toe around you, or whatever it is you’ve got going there. If you wanna be with me, you’re with me. Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m gonna make them alive. But I’m just a fucked-up girl who’s looking for my own peace of mind; don’t assign me yours.
--> couldnt have written it better myself!! =P